ok so I have been gone for awhile . . . well a lot has been happening to be since my last entry some

well from my last entry u know i have entered the world of dating and its not going so well and i decided to just step back from that just hang out and see what comes my way which for a week worked and then i had to have surgery!!!! Yeah i woke up one day with some pains on my left side and after a day they settled to my lower left side.  I was talking to a friend and he told me it was my appendix..he knew the signs a friend of his just had theirs out.  So long story short the next day i am sitting at work in the morning meeting and according to my boss i just went pale white and started sweating accompanied by pain which took me to the ER and a few hours later they was preping me for sugary.  Everything went ok according to the doc my appendix was in the early stages but also some of the fatty tissue was inflamed to so the just took that out as well and i was laid up for about 2 weeks.  It was kind of rough but i have some good friends that texted or called me daily and once i was little better they picked me up and took me out to dinner and such....but i am well and back to work...still little sore but better

About a week into recovery the doc let me drive so i went to visit my cousin Sarah...if you don't remember her she is my cousin i talked about before...she has terminal cervical cancer and she is dying.... Hopsice has been with her now for a month or so...I hadn't been over to see her in a couple weeks and since i was off work and a random day happened that both my sisters had off so the 3 of us went to see Sarah i wont say to much just it took me away how much she has changed in a couple weeks she looked so frail and.....but regardless it was nice to see her just pained me to her her ask about my older sis...my older sister and Sarah were inseparable for years and lately she has been absent in Sarah's life which is SAD because they are or until recently was her neighbor...smh.. anyway a few days later Sarah texted me she was in a good mood and was wanting me and Aimee (my sister) to join her for BINGO!!! lol so we went to bingo and it was a slow night which was nice because i suck at bingo (add and bingo don't always mesh well).  But it was a good night i love spending time with her!!!

Lastly is a work update....So while i was off my boss filled me in on a couple of phone calls I missed out on.  First my grant got approved but with one string...i have to redo the budget to come in at 40,000 instead of 80 like i had applied for...this is exciting because it will allow me to change out a few things i know will work better then other items....the second call was from the Deputy Secretary of commerce and tourism she wants to use the Serious Fun video campaign i did last summer as a biases for her annual speech at the Governors Conference on Tourism (which is in 2 weeks)....this is exciting because not only is it bragging rights but that campaign is one of three awards i am up for this year...WISH ME LUCK

well thats all for now

-JDH

  So I am sure you can grasp from my last couple blogs my personal life has failed epically and i have been going back and forth trying to decided if i should write about it or not.  I ultimately decided that at least some mention should be addressed...hell even now as i am teetering on scrapping this entry for the 4th time Aerosmith's 'Cryin' ' just came on the radio.....so i will keep this short and sweet.... so after M (need a refresher please go back a few entries i don't write much so it wont take long) had decided that we should be just friends i spent some time, well you can read the entries, and  i met someone we can call him C..... still stayed in touch with M who during my relationship with C decided to tell me how much of a mistake he made and wants me back but i kept up the stance of friends i mean i was with C.  But then C and i split up, we were in two completely different points in our lives I am 28 and working and he is 25 just starting college so C and I split up.  

M and I then started getting closer and he asked me out but i was still fresh off my break up with C and asked for a little more time.  He agreed and said that he had a plan and already knew when and where he would ask me out, awww i know little cheesy but so romantic and then one day he finally said the one thing i have been waiting to hear . . . . . " I love You " I remember the first time i told him that we was on the phone and he was walking into a friends house and it just came out and there was a long pause and he said it back .  Anyway i thought things were going good....we talked about our plans for the future and he said if i ended up in Chicago he'd come visit me every weekend and then he asked if he got a job in Texas if id go....i said yes.....we then started looking for jobs closer to each other.  So yeah things are going great with us and the the Fucking Holidays hit again!!!!!!  I partially dislike the holidays for 2 reasons (1) THEY ARE TO MUCH, I believe that xmas/Christmas/holidays or whatever you call them need to crack open a beer and fucking relax for once and (2) if i ever get close to someone its around this lovely time of year they deiced not to be with me. So thanksgiving came and went and then it all started again he distanced himself from me.................a few other things happened but those....i agreed to keep to myself which is why I'm turning to this for release....Anyway i was willing to work past what happened but then i got the same thing i got last time i let him into my life "We Need to be JUST friends" WTF!!!  also that i am not allowed to wait for fight for him.......CRUSHED i was and still am a little....I was and still am mystified at how it seemed like we when from wanting to be closer to .... its over just like that.....

some time passed (a few days/short weeks) and we started talking......he told me hes going on dates with a friend named D . . . at first i was told it wasnt like that . . . . but i can tell it getting serious.....M and i talk it kind of pains a little when he mentions this D but i enjoy just talking to M regardless and yeah . . .. i am getting better day  by day so much id like to ask but i know wouldn't help really..... i still miss him tho.....he will always be my love....ok enough on that other fails

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so during this hole M breaking my hear thing a friend could tell i was upset and also that i was free and i let her talk me into meeting this guy at a party a mutual friend was having.  I wasn't to thrilled about this but i figured y not!  so I went to the party and met the guy.  We hit it of and i really enjoyed his company and we spent the night together at the party just hangin out, very G rated, and then at then end of the night he kissed me...just a little peck and i felt like i cheated...sad i know...but we decided to make plans to meet again for a real DATE!  While i was on my way to meet him for out date when i was almost to his place i get a text that he was at work he got called in for a little bit and that he'd call....guess who i haven't herd from since...

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So my Sister got her boyfriend to move out his parent house and to get an apartment and basically take care of her she has made it very clear she is not paying rent or on the bill or nething.....ugh all they do is fight..she complains that she works 2 jobs so she don't she works at a daycare during the day and one maybe 2 shifts at a gas station that closes at 7pm whatever...O O and my other lovely sister who hasn't kept a job longer then 90 days if the 30 years shes been alive also found herself a man that bought her a fucking house......serious how did i fail i am barely getting by and yet these tow just cruise by me....hell i just want a man to love me....he don't have to take care of me just love me but i guess not

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Through out all of this i have also been job hunting and i have been getting calls but nothing ever comes of it and i have felt very alone..... and what has bothered me is that all the people that have leaned on me when they were down are no where to be found......sure i get the buck up chum speech but it seems when i open up the subject is hurried along or ignored.....this will not be forgotten

oh its not really a fail but i have to wear glasses now for distance and night driving.....her is a pic its dark but everyone on FB seems to think i look good in them...ill have a better one on one day lol

thats all for now......

-JDH